


Intervention

by NothingButTeeth



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, M/M, One Shot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rimming, Roommates, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 23:30:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15011780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingButTeeth/pseuds/NothingButTeeth
Summary: Oh my god, they were roommates.





	Intervention

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hostile17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hostile17/gifts).



Wade skipped them home.  
“Do they have toaster strudels in the future? No? I’ll stock up,” Nate had told him that he was positive they _did not_ need to hold hands to “make sure he doesn’t get lost”. He was from the future, not the 1800s - but Wade swung their hands as he skipped in strangled beats, as Nathan refused to budge from his one-pace-policy.

“I don’t have any hair, so we’ll have to braid yours - how fast does your beard grow? _Oh my god I can french braid your pub-”_

“I am not changing my hair.” It had been approximately fifteen minutes since Wade Wilson had found out that Nathan Summers had extended his stay without actually lining up anywhere to stay, not that he really knew how all of that time-turner nonsense worked, anyway.

“Wade, there’s no reason for me to stay with you. I may be a tad out of touch with the times, but I _do_ know what a LaQuinta is.” 

Ah, shit. Wade stopped skipping and turned his wide, grown-ass-man puppydog eyes up at Nate.

“A LaQuinta doesn’t provide toaster strudels. I even have an apron. I bought it specially for you, you know. And now.. I can’t return it. I had it _customized_.” 

“Jesus christ, Wade, _fine._ ” He had only found out and offered - well, demanded, really - less than an hour prior. Cable was positive no such apron had been purchased, but he didn’t have the energy, or the heart, to try and swim upstream from Wade’s parade. Besides, as much as the man chattered on, it somehow didn’t grate him - okay, well, it _did_ , but it was comforting in a way that silence couldn’t be. 

“Oooh. I have so much work to do. Bathroom rules: don’t use my toothbrush. If you use the toys in the shower you gotta wash them. Wait, can you shower? Do you electrocute yourself? Can you go singing in the rain?” 

“...Yes, Wade. I can take showers.” 

“I’ll make a schedule. I take mine in the morning, so to conserve energy you’ll just have to take yours at the same time, but I can be flexible.” 

“We are not going to be shower buddies, Wade.” 

“Well, that’s not very X-Force of you, Nathan Christopher Christian Cunnilingus Carlos Charles Chimichanga Summers, and it’s definitely going in your Airbnb review, but I’ll still give you four stars.” If anything frustrated Wade, it was the utter unflappability of Nathan Summers. The man was still human, allegedly, but he acted like a fucking robot. _Challenge,_ Wade thought, _Accepted._

God help him, as soon as they were through the threshold Wade started making a calendar. “Thursdays for movie night. Sunday brunch, drag required - you can borrow my things for the first one, but after that you’re gonna have to step it up, buddy. Ass, grass, or gas, but I prefer ass. Do you need gas? Diesel with your Cheerios? No? 2% then.” And on and on, legs swinging in the air as he sketched out their entire future together in purple RoseArt, tongue curving out the side of his uncooked-poultry-covered-in-hives-and-sandblasted-raw-face. Nathan wondered how his skin felt to touch. 

Now, in the hush of the man’s home, Nathan didn’t know how to comport himself. They weren’t rivals, or on a mission, or beleaguered by X-Men. They were roommates. While his mind overclocked, Wade kept prattling in the background, he was on about Papyrus now, and Nathan just stood, rigid and stoic, but inwardly amazed. How long had it been now since he’d said anything? He got the distinct impression that if Wade would be talking right now whether Nate was there or not. 

He hadn’t known the man long, but there was a.. Magnetism to him. Hell, it was probably just two black holes trying to pull something into their orbit that they can’t swallow whole, anything to plug it up a bit, stop the spread. Loss does crazy things, he knew. And loss was all he was feeling, he was certain of it. If he’s going to be fucked up, he might as well embrace it, right? 

Wade must be rubbing off on him. He’d felt grief before, and a lot of it, but he had never felt like this. Wade, of course, was unchanged. He needed to change this course, before he shut the man up with a rudeness neither ought to press for. 

“I’d like to rest, actually,” He interjected. 

“But you haven’t any clothes,” Wade batted his eyes. “I suppose you’ll just have to sleep naked,” His hips cocked for emphasis. 

“I’m wearing clothes now, Wade.” Nathan’s voice was deadpan. 

“Fine. _I’ll_ sleep naked then. Your loss!” 

The next day was.. Not what Cable expected. 

Wade had slept naked, but despite his initial attempts to “jetpack” Nate, they did _not_ spoon. Nate also did not sleep, not for the bulk of the night, anyway. Not until sunrise. Wade spoke in his sleep. And thrashed. Nathan doubted he had had a pleasant dream in quite some time. 

When he awoke, Wade was standing on a chair with a large whiteboard behind him - the oversized kind on wheels - a metal pointer in hand and still in his bodysuit. On either side of Wade were two more empty chairs with smiley face stickers plastered all over. 

“Gooooood morning, sunshine,” Wade sung as Nathan’s eyes met his uncomfortably intense stare. 

“How long have you been like that?” 

“Seventy minutes, now. I had to leave to gather the others.” Wade gestured to the empty chairs. “But they were off on some sort of lame world-about-to-end thing.”  
“Shouldn’t we be, uh, helping with that thing?”  
“Nuh-uh, you’re not getting out of your intervention that easily, bionic cowboy.”  
“My _what?_ ” 

Wade beamed. “I’m so glad you asked.” With a stern _thwack!_ Thin metal hit whiteboard. Drawn on it were about three million dongs. “I’m offering my services bluntly, because you _clearly_ are in need of some, and, listen, your aesthetic is totally “in” right now and everything but I doubt your ability to capitalize on that due to, well, your entire… person that you are. I’m intervening. This is an intervention. You need to loosen up a little.” 

“Your _services_ ,” He replied flatly.

“Do I look like someone found rancid mutton on the street and put it through a blender? Sure fuckin’ do, but what I lack in the swimsuit portion I make up for during the talent show.” He struck a pose, and Cable realized there were words written inside some of the dick tornadoes - things like, “a can-do attitude!”, and what looked like Cosmo sex tips - once he saw the word “peanut butter” and decided to stop looking at the whiteboard altogether.

“Okay,” Cable said. Fuck it. His mind ran through the scenario in the blink of an eye - Wade was the one person Cable _couldn’t_ somehow get killed. He was insufferable and arrogant and Cable couldn’t believe he was going to have to fuck him. 

For a stunning moment, Wade was speechless. I mean, sure, his offer was one thousand percent for realsies, but he hadn’t expected metal-rod-up-his-ass Cable to actually agree to it. But if anyone needed a goddamn release right now, it was Nate. 

Fearful of fucking it up, Wade jumped for it - literally, he jumped off of the chair (was the extra height really necessary? Yes, yes it was.) and straddled his soon to be roommate-with-benefits. He bit back the urge to ask if his cock could vibrate (barely. For now.) and brushed his hips against Nate’s, regretting his decision to put on the suit this morning. If _this_ is how the day was gonna go, he should’ve just stayed nude. 

A low, desperate thing clawed its way noisily out of Nathan’s throat, a sensation and sound that shocked the both of them - but did nothing to deter. He kissed Wade forcefully, angrily, as though fucking furious with the man for doing this to him. Wade was.. Well, okay, yeah, Wade was rock fucking hard, because _fuck_ , but holy shit was this not the reaction he anticipated. Nathan was always so cold and impervious, he had never given Wade any indication that that ice had a melting point. It skipped water and went straight to steam. 

Nate was everywhere - thrusting hungrily against his crotch, tonguing at his throat, scratching at his zippers with shameless want. It wasn’t long before they had both come undone, Wade grinning but dazed, Nathan scowling in contrast, gruff and uncomfortably hard. He threw Wade around like a goddamn toy, slamming him down on to the bed and spreading him wide, tongue lavishing his asshole like it was the last known delicacy of the universe, and Wade was _shook_. “What the FUCK,” Wade half-screamed, half-moaned into the mattress, too dizzy from it all to form much else. Of the two of them, he hadn’t expected _Cable_ to be the desperately slutty one. Honestly, he never thought this would actually happen to begin with, but on the (many) occasions he imagined it, he never imagined Cable being like _this_. He was sloppy and messy and fuck, Wade was drenched, grinding his ass against Nate’s stubbled face to try and entice him further, not that he needed it - but Wade wanted, needed, something a little thicker than a tongue, no matter how talented it was… And god, that thing was flexible. 

Nathan took the bait, grabbing a handful of ass with his left hand, and arching two fingers inside of Wade from the other, causing the man to do the human equivalent of a blue screen of death. He turned to jelly. “Holy _shit,_ ” He moaned, rocking against his hand, twitching and shivering like an addict in need of a fix. Wade couldn’t see it, but Nathan was transfixed. Thank god Wade always had lube on his nightstand - he was afraid the moment either of them stopped the spell would be broken. Nathan managed to reign it in only for the first two strokes of his hand, and then his fingers lost themselves, thrumming his prostate one moment to elicit those sweet whimpers, and then sliding out only to slam full-force back into him, again and again until Wade was near tears, only just resisting the urge to snark some old man joke about the lube making things super slick and Cable needing to make sure he doesn’t slip and break a hip. 

When he shifted - that’s what Wade thought it was, anyway, his fever-brain wasn’t paying too close attention to anything that wasn’t currently inside of him - Nathan twisted his fingers one last time before slipping out, and before Wade could realize what was happening, he grabbed both his hips and yanked him onto his cock, burying hilt-deep into Wade. 

Wade wasn’t timid, that’s for sure, and he was a firm believer that the best sex was never dignified sex, but he hadn’t anticipated literally crying. It felt so, so good, and it never occurred to him that he could resist. Cable moaned, cock twitching - fuck, Wade could feel it twitch - inside him, before thrusting helplessly against him, slamming into Wade again and again for what simultaneously felt like minutes and days, nails digging into his skin and voice growling with need and rage. Wade using every opportunity to goad him harder, deeper, arching his back and rutting against his hips. “You feel so fucking good,” he hissed, causing Wade to see dizzying stars, drooling into the pillows because _shit_ this man could fuck. 

Cable hooked an arm around Wade’s hip, hand grabbing his cock like it belonged to him, rough skin stroking in time with each frenzied thrust, mouth watering as he grew more violent, Wade splayed before him for the taking. Wade was shaking so hard now, breath fast and deep, and god, those pathetic little whimpers went straight to his dick. He pushed Wade further down, gasping for air as his movements become more frustrated, sloppier and needier, toe-curlingly desperate for relief, every deliciously frictioned pump driving him mad. It wasn’t until Wade shuddered and choked, coming after a particularly well-placed series of thrusts, that he got that relief - the warm spill around his hand, still coaxing his cock, caused him to lose it entirely - he buried himself as far as he could, half-collapsing against Wade as he comes, only dimly aware of Wade mumbling in the background, 

“Colossus is never gonna believe this.”


End file.
